


Don't Leave Me, Even Though I'm Broken

by InSomniaRedPanda



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Heavy Angst, Hurt Na Jaemin, M/M, Miscommunication, Na Jaemin-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, plz read notes before reading chapters, this is not a happy fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25497298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InSomniaRedPanda/pseuds/InSomniaRedPanda
Summary: Jeno was drunk, he made a mistake.Jaemin was sure Jeno hated him.After a traumatic experience happens one night, will the best friends get through it?Will they come back stronger than ever or will they fall apart?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 17
Kudos: 60





	1. Fuzzy Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first NCT fanfic, I hope you like it.  
> It's not for the faint of heart as other additional tags will be added that could be triggering for some people, plz keep the tags and updates in mind before you read a chapter iu upload as I don't want to spoiler anything before it happens.

To say that Jeno was drunk would be the understatement of the year. 

He could hardly walk straight, the whole world around him was spinning and he was pretty sure that the cute guy with the wild pink hair did not have little blue birds flying over his head, he also thought that the guy looked familiar. 

Then it hit him. He was at a bar with his bandmates, they were celebrating something, he wasn’t exactly sure what but he was sure they were celebrating. 

He was also sure that the cute pink-haired guy was none other than Na Jaemin; His bandmate and crush ever since he first saw the energetic boy four years ago. 

He never did anything because he didn’t want to risk ruining their friendship, it was too precious to him. So he suffered in silence all these years, gaining a pleasant high every time Jaemin was close to him, hugging him, kissing his forehead, or occasionally cuddling him at night if he played his cards right. 

Back to the present, Jeno didn’t realize he was off his bar stool until he started making his way to Jaemin. Though instead of walking smoothly like he thought he would, he face-planted right on the floor, his nose almost having an unfortunate meeting with the tiles. 

‘Ouch,’ he hissed to himself, truthfully he didn’t care if he was hurt, all he wanted was to get to Jaemin and get close with him on the dance floor. 

He wanted to dance with him forever, holding onto him and never letting him leave. That thought made him pause, normally when he was fully sober he wouldn’t let himself go down that train of ideas. 

‘Stop,’ Jeno scolded himself, ‘he’s your best friend and that's all he’ll ever see you as. Na Jaemin, under any circumstances, would never see you as more than a friend, he will never see you as his lover.’

And that fact broke Jeno’s heart but he wouldn’t let that get to him, not now that he had the perfect opportunity to hold on to Jaemin and not let go till the end of the night. 

As he got up and started making his way to Jaemin he let himself focus on his surroundings a bit. He spotted Mark and Donghyuck dancing a little ways away from Jaemin, they were grabbing at each other all sweaty and hot, with Donghyuck leaving trails of kisses against Mark’s skin. 

Even from this distance, Jeno could see that they were grinding against each other, luckily he resisted the urge to puke and kept making his way to Jaemin. 

No matter how long he walked, which felt like forever, but was actually less than two minutes, Jaemin seemed to be getting further and further away.

Was he really that drunk? He kept walking to Jaemin, by now he properly passed by Mark and Donghyuck heatedly making out in the corner of the room with the older pressing Donghyuck against the wall while the younger boy was grabbing the older’s hair. 

Jeno could only imagine how many people have made out and done other things in that very spot. 

Before he could actually start puking from the scene he turned away and kept walking towards Jaemin.

He felt a little puff of joy when he noticed that the club was playing one of their songs, he couldn’t focus on the lyrics because he had a considerable amount to drink which was impairing multiple parts of his brain. 

When he finally recognized the song as “Go” all he could think about was Jaemin. Not that he usually doesn’t think about Jaemin but right now he was seeing Jaemin in that loose shirt, in those beautiful jeans, (have you seen his legs?), his beautiful brown hair, the jacket (honestly how could he forget about that?) and of course those glasses that gave him a major boner during the shooting of the video. 

He had to make some lame excuse about needing to use the bathroom just so he could jerk off imagining that it was Jaemin doing it. 

In short Lee Jeno had it bad for Na Jaemin.

When he finally made it to Jaemin he didn’t even notice thanks to his focus being completely elsewhere. 

Jaemin was dancing with his back to him. His hair was a hot mess and Jeno just wanted to mess it up even more. 

He hugged Jaemin from behind and heard a small gasp escape the younger’s lips. Jeno felt Jaemin stiffen at the contact. Jaemin turned around in his arms and when he noticed that it was Jeno hugging him he instantly calmed down. 

“Weren’t you at the bar a moment ago?” Jaemin had a confused look on his face but he still wrapped his arms around the older boy that was holding on to him. 

“I wanna dance with you, angel.”

Jaemin didn’t say anything, simply blushing at the nickname as he started swaying to the beat and pulled Jeno even closer to his body if such a thing was even possible. 

Jeno was on cloud nine. 

Jaemin was so close he could feel every curve of his body, every puff of breath that came out of Jaemin’s mouth, and could see every drop of sweat on his beautiful face. 

Jeno could feel himself starting to get hard just from being so close to his crush. 

Thanks to his thoughts getting blurred by all of the alcohol, all of his common sense was going out the window, as if it was never there.

Without thinking, and because the need for some friction against his hard cock was so strong, he started rolling his hips against those of his bandmate.

He heard a soft moan escape Jaemin’s lips.

“Jeno, w-what are you doing?”

Jeno could feel Jaemin’s erection press against his thigh, so he kept rolling his hips against Jaemin’s, making them both moan.

He could focus on nothing other than the boy that was pressed so close to his body. His mind went blank, he only thought about the younger boy. 

Needing to do something other than just roll his hips against Jaemin’s, Jeno decided to start kissing his neck, leaving soft red marks all around the boy’s soft tan skin that he could reach. 

Jaemin was squirming in his grip, trying to get away, but Jeno was too far gone to notice. 

“J-Jeno you’re dr-“ a moan escaped his lips cutting off his sentence as Jeno started palming his cock through the fabric of his jeans, “you’re drunk, how about we get you home?” The younger boy sounded concerned and aroused. 

Jeno really didn’t want to leave the younger boy’s embrace, he felt safe and at home in his arms but before he knew it, he was being dragged somewhere. 

He whined at the loss of contact from Jaemin and tried to get back into the younger’s embrace, back to the place he called home between his sunshine’s arms. 

Sadly his addled mind and body were too clumsy to do anything about the matter. 

His cock was now painfully hard in his pants and he desperately needed some friction, especially if it was provided by Jaemin. But he couldn’t get into any good positions thanks to being dragged, not too forcefully, out of the club and out into the dark cold night. 

As the person who was dragging him stepped outside, the harsh almost icy wind hit his face and made him shiver. He started feeling even more lightheaded than he did before if that was even possible. 

Jeno felt another shiver run down his spine and a pair of warm arms wrapped securely around him.

‘Jaemin’s arms,’ Jeno pointed out to himself.

It was as if Jaemin was trying to protect him from the cold. 

He curled into the younger’s chest and let out a sigh of relief at the sweet contact, but right now he didn’t want sweet, he wanted rough and demanding, he wanted to let out all of the sexual frustration that was running through his body. 

For now, Jaemin’s arms were enough, they made him feel safe and happy, he felt like the world was a perfect place and nothing other than Jaemin’s arms around him were important. 

Unfortunately, nothing good lasts forever and Jaemin’s arms were gone, and yet again Jeno was feeling cold and alone.

They were next to a car. 

‘It’s Jaemin’s car,’ Jeno’s drunk mind helpfully reminded him.

He felt a hand sneak into his back pocket feeling around, looking for something. 

It was funny how he was so desperate in that moment that even movements like that went straight to Jeno’s already hard cock. He let out a little chuckle because not only that but there sure as hell was nothing straight about this situation.

The hand was withdrawn from his ass pocket and yet again Jeno’s cock was left unsatisfied and he was incredibly desperate for release even more so than he was before. 

He shook his head to try and clear it, looking over at Jaemin, the younger boy had a pair of car keys in his hands. 

That made him a bit confused because where did the keys come from? Is that why Jaemin put his hand in Jeno’s pocket? To get the keys? And if that were true why would he have Jaemin’s keys in the first place?

A fuzzy memory came to Jeno. Him and Jaemin were at their room in the hotel they were currently staying at. Jaemin was saying something about how Jeno should take the car keys because he was more responsible and won’t get too wasted.

‘Yeah right,’ Jeno thought, holding back the urge to roll his eyes. 

Jeno couldn’t remember anything else. 

He was so drunk. 

He knew he was. 

He couldn’t remember events from a mere five hours ago. 

He couldn’t even talk without slurring his words, which he realized only when he tried to say “What’s going on?” and instead of it coming out with his usual collected and smooth voice it sounded like a baby’s first words. 

At first Jaemin looked confused, but luckily he was so used to his bandmates being drunk morons, so over time he learned to understand them even when they were so drunk that they were throwing up into the toilet. 

“You’re drunk-”

Jeno glared at him. He obviously knew he was stupid drunk even without Jaemin saying it. 

Jaemin, ignoring his glare, just rolled his eyes and kept talking “So I’m going to take you home, give you a lot of water and put you to bed before you do something you’re going to regret in the morning.” 

Jaemin looked sad when he said this, like he didn’t want Jeno to sober up, like he wanted to let loose for one night without worrying about the consequences and instead act like the young man that he was for one night to forget his idol duties.

Jaemin quickly changed his expression when he saw Jeno staring at him. 

Without a warning the car door was opened and Jeno was being pushed into the passenger seat by small hands (technically they were only small because his own were bigger). 

Jaemin closed the door quite harshly and the noise rang like an echo in a cave inside of Jeno’s head.

He put his hands on his ears to try and drown out the noise but it only got stronger when Jaemin got into the car and slammed the door shut behind him. 

“God damn it, Nana, what the fuck?” Jeno cursed through gritted teeth, trying to make the words sharp and angry but instead they ended up being soft and slurred because of the alcohol in his body messing up his every move and action. 

Jaemin let out a dry laugh, “Watch your language.”

Jeno was sure he heard wrong. Did Jaemin, the fun boy that liked to be a bit carefree and let out a curse word in approximately every fifth word that comes out of his mouth just tell him to watch his language? 

The engine of the car roared to life as Jaemin pressed his foot on the gas paddle. 

The ride back to the apartment was quiet, not an awkward quiet but not the comfortable quiet that usually settled between the two boys. 

Jaemin was tense. His hands were gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. 

His expression was distant, it was obvious he was thinking about something serious and from the way he was driving Jeno could tell that he had a few shots himself and he wasn’t focused on the road at all. 

Jeno himself couldn’t think of anything other than the ever resilient boner in his pants. It was hard to think of anything else especially when he was in a confined space with Jaemin. 

He tried to think of anything other than the younger boy next to him so he put his head on the window and stared at the streets outside. 

  
  
  



	2. Always ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has smut without consent please don't read if you're uncomfortable with that!

Jeno must have passed out. 

He remembered being in a car with Jaemin. But he wasn't, at least not anymore.

He was in a building, which had doors, windows and blinding lights that made his head hurt. He was in someone's arms, the other person was holding him bridal style. Jeno’s head was in the crook of the other person's neck and there was an arm under his knees and at his waist. 

Jaemin.

Jeno would have recognized that touch anywhere.

He was used to being touched by all of his members but Jaemin’s touch always felt different when compared to the others. Jaemin always touched him softly, caressed his skin and never treated him roughly even when the two were fighting. 

The younger boy always held the older like he was a sacred treasure, constantly making sure he was safe, loved and protected.

Jeno loved the way Jaemin touched him, and it never failed to soothe him when he was upset. 

Every time Jaemin touched Jeno, the latter relished in it and didn’t waste a second of being touched by the younger. And yet he always wanted more, and felt empty when Jaemin stopped the skin-ship between them. 

Jeno didn't realize he was in an elevator until he felt the pressure of being lifted. 

He looked at Jaemin, only to see the pink haired male looking at him fondly. Jaemin had a small smile on his face, but when he noticed Jeno staring at him, his face changed into a confused look, and then he quickly flushed and looked away. 

This baffled Jeno, but he was too drunk to care.

It took him a moment to realize the younger was talking, “I see that Sleeping Beauty finally woke up, I was starting to think I’d need to kiss you.”

Jeno could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. 

Did Jaemin mean what he said or was he just teasing him? 

Jeno hoped he meant it, but the grin on the other’s face made him think that it wasn’t the case. 

For what reason would Jaemin, the perfect man he was, be interested in Jeno, the awkward one in the group. Not to mention the fact that Jeno was one of Jaemin’s bandmates and his best friend. 

“You’d love the chance to kiss me, wouldn’t you?” Jeno decided to tease.

Jeno missed the way Jaemin blushed and seemed to choke on nothing. He was used to this as they were always teasing each other. 

Jeno always wanted more, but he would rather have Jaemin as a friend then not have him at all. 

So he teased him back no matter how much he wanted something to happen between the two of them. He didn’t want to lose Jaemin so he pushed his feelings aside and acted like the perfect best friend. 

DING!

The sound rang through Jeno’s head. He put his hands on his ears, completely forgetting that he was holding on to Jaemin. 

Jaemin, being surprised by the sudden movement, didn't react fast enough and dropped Jeno. He fell down to the floor of the elevator with a loud thump that made him groan. 

“I hate you,” he groaned out, “now help me up before the elevator doors close.” 

Jaemin mumbled something along the lines of, “what a brat” and something about “no respect”.

Still, he helped him up, and picked him up just like before. That earned him a groan of annoyance from Jeno. 

They moved out of the elevator, lucky that the doors didn’t close, and made their way to their dorm.

When they got to the dorm Jeno could feel Jaemin’s hand wandering around his back pocket again, unintentionally touching his ass through the fabric of the jeans. The movements went right to his cock, making him hard again. He couldn’t get a break in any regards. 

Jaemin finally managed to fish the keys out of Jeno’s pocket. Why was everything in his pockets anyway? Jaemin pulled him into the dorm and closed the door after him, helping him take his shoes off and kicking them near their overflowing shoe rack to get later, and then heading into the room they shared at the end of the corridor. 

When they made it inside Jeno took off his socks and flung them somewhere, possibly lost for good. He was about to take off his shirt when his gaze wandered off to Jaemin, who looked exhausted but also very hot. 

His hair was a mess from dancing all night and his shirt was open, showing his chest which was lightly glimmering with sweat. His black ripped jeans showed off his legs beautifully. 

Jaemin always looked good, but at that moment he looked downright sinful. 

Jaemin must have felt his stare, because he looked up to meet his gaze, “Like what you see?” he asked. There was a smirk on his face as he said the words. Asshole. 

Jeno couldn’t take it anymore, his pants were way too tight and he was feeling hot and bothered. Without thinking he walked over to Jaemin and leaned to kiss him. 

Jaemin’s eyes widened in surprise as Jeno kissed him roughly, bit and sucked at the younger boy's lips. Jeno moved his hand to grope Jaemin’s ass. The younger let out a low moan when he felt the older’s dick press against his thigh. He bit Jeno’s lower lip, which made the older gasp, and stuck his tongue in his mouth to kiss him deeper. 

A low moan escaped Jaemin, making everything so much hotter. 

Jeno started to slowly get annoyed at only kissing Jaemin. Yes, he was happy to finally be able to kiss him, but right now he just wanted more - he wanted to feel all of Jaemin, and he wanted it now. 

He pushed the younger boy onto the bed which caused another beautiful moan to escape his mouth, the noise making Jeno so much needier. 

Jaemin looked beautiful like this. 

He was getting a bit hot and sweaty, his lips were slightly swollen from the kissing and there was a raging boner in his pants. 

Jeno had only seen Jaemin like this in his dreams, and the real sight was so much better.

He moved over to the bed, climbed over the younger boy and pinned his hands above his head. He started kissing and sucking on Jaemin’s neck, leaving behind angry red marks. Ones that would hopefully stay longer than an hour, just so he has something to look at in the morning. 

Jaemin was a moaning mess under him, his hands were gripping the sheets, holding on like his life depended on it and his eyes were closed while he relished in the feeling of the older’s lips and teeth against his neck. 

Jeno made a trail of kisses from Jaemin’s neck to his collarbones, taking his shirt off in the process. He kept trailing down until he got to one of Jaemin’s nipples, his tongue running over it for a few moments before he switched to sucking on it until it hardened, which only made the younger moan louder. 

He then moved over to the other nipple and from there started kissing downwards towards Jaemin’s pants. 

When he finally got to the place he desired his mouth started to water. He worked on taking off the younger’s skinny jeans, but gave up on taking them off all the way, internally cursing the material for being so tight. It was nice before but right now it was nothing but a nuisance. 

Jeno put his mouth over the thin fabric covering Jaemin’s dick, wanting to put it in his mouth so badly. 

Out of nowhere Jeno heard a choked sob. 

He didn’t want to look at Jaemin, but he did and his heart stopped beating for a moment. 

Jeno felt like he couldn’t breath, he felt like he was drowning in the sea. 

Jaemin was crying. 

There were tears rolling down his face, he was breathing deeply and his face was red, either from the crying or the heat in the room. Jeno didn’t know, the only thing he knew was that he hurt Jaemin. 

He hurt the love of his life and forced him into something he didn’t want. He felt sick at the thought, he could feel the tears running down his own face as he stepped away from the boy on the bed. 

“Jen,“ It was barely a whisper, but the word was filled with love and concern.

Jeno didn’t get it, how could Jaemin say his name with so much adoration after what he’d done. 

He still couldn’t breath, the room was too hot and the walls were closing in on him. He didn’t notice when Jaemin had slowly wriggled his pants back into place and moved off of the bed and walked over to him, didn’t notice his hand reach out until it touched his arm in an attempt to comfort him, and it did. It comforted him and Jeno felt even more sick than before, he didn’t deserve the younger boy’s touch after he hurt him. Jeno jerked away suddenly, missing the hurt look that flashed across the younger boy’s face. 

Jeno couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn't stay in this room with Jaemin, he couldn’t hurt him again. 

He opened the door of the room and quickly slipped out, opening the door closest to him, which happened to lead to Mark and Donghyuck’s room, and locked the door behind him. 

“J-Jen open the door, p-please.”

He could hear Jaemin sob through the door and it made him sick, his head was spinning and he still couldn’t breath. 

He ran to the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom, fell down to the floor against the door and began crying.

He couldn’t believe what he had done - not only had he assaulted his best friend, but he also ruined their friendship, probably forever.

He could hear a door open and slam shut, kissing sounds filled the room, there was a loud thud against the bathroom door Jeno was leaning on. 

Someone was trying to open it, Jeno didn’t really care. 

“Hello?” Mark called out.

Jeno simply sobbed into his hands, not wanting to answer his hyung.

“Jeno?” Donghyuck’s small voice came from the other side of the door. 

The door was trying to be opened, Jeno moved to the side and let them in.

In a moment Donghyuck and Mark were inside, swaddling him. Jeno let himself get pulled into the oldest member’s arms, let his hair be played with and Mark’s hand run along his back.

“What happened?” Mark asked in a soft tone.

“C-check o-on Jae-Jaemin,” Jeno choked out.

Jaemin needed someone at the moment as much as he did. 

“What?” Came Donghyuck’s voice from above him. 

“N-Nana,” Jeno said again, sounding completely broken.

Donghyuck went out to go to his best friend’s room, while Jeno was left in the bathroom, being held by Mark.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Mark said. He took Jeno by the arms and pulled him up, dragging him out of the bathroom and into the bed. 

Mark laid down with him, hugging him from behind and mumbling about nothing to try and calm him down. 

Jeno felt himself relax a little at the touch and attention, he didn’t feel okay again but he felt better.

Mark fell asleep soon after leaving Jeno to lay there and wallow in his thoughts.

_

Donghyuck was surprised to find his best friend crying on his bed when he walked into the other room. He didn’t know what happened but he was so worried and confused about the entire situation.

He went over to Jaemin and hugged him. That made Jaemin jump, startled by the sudden contact. 

“Donghyuckie,” he whined, latching onto Donghyuck like a koala, burying his face in his neck and crying.

Donghyuck rubbed his back, trying to soothe his crying best friend

“What happened? Why are you crying?” Donghyuck asked, utterly confused by the sight of two of his friends in tears in just one night.

“Jeno- Jeno and I a-almost…” Jaemin stopped to let out a sob, “y-you know, b-but he wa-was drunk. And- and he realized w-what he was do- doing in the middle, and-and he ran away!” Jaemin sobbed, “He must hate me!”

“What? Jaemin, he doesn’t hate you.” Donghyuck was absolutely shocked about what he heard. Jeno had told him about his crush on Jaemin ages ago, so why did he react the way he did?

“H-he does!” The younger let out a frustrated groan.

“Shh, Jaem. It’s going to be okay”. Donghyuck hugged him closer, making them both lay down so Jaemin could cuddle into him.

Jaemin cried into his chest, letting out shrill sounds.

All Donghyuck could do was rub his back, trying to calm the crying boy. 

Nonetheless, Jaemin ended up crying all night. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


	3. Bad, than worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has GRAPHIC non-con, plz don't read if you're uncomfortable!

The next morning the group was huddled around during one of their practice sessions going over their new album. Mark was talking about the songs, going on and on. Playing them for his teammates. Donghyuck chimed in here and there, helping Mark explain when he lost his train of thought.

Meanwhile Jeno was sitting quietly, not helping his two friends like he usually would. Instead he was playing with his hands. Trying his best not to look at Jaemin cuddled in Donghyuck’s arms and looking so broken. 

The younger had bags under his eyes worse than his own, eyes puffy and red from probably crying all night. 

Jeno stifled a sigh as he leaned closer to Mark, who was sitting next to him. 

He felt so awful. 

He didn't even deserve to be comforted. 

He had hurt Jaemin in the worst way possible. And Jeno didn't even want to entertain the thought of what would have happened if he hadn't stopped.

He hated seeing Jaemin so sad, hated knowing that he was the cause of it.

The cause of his suffering. 

_

Jaemin was cuddled against Donghyuck’s chest, doing his best to listen to Mark go on about their new music. But he couldn't. 

All he could focus on were the little glances that Jeno threw his way. The elder looked almost as bad as he did, eyes red and puffy, giant bags under them. Jaemin hated thinking that Jeno regretted last night so bad.

All he wanted at the moment was to go over to him and comfort him. But he had ruined everything last night. He should have never let Jeno kiss him. None of it should have ever happened. He should have kept his feelings to himself until he got over them.

He would have gotten over them eventually, or not. He did have a crush on the older boy ever since their debut a couple of years ago. 

So he laid back on Donghyuck, trying his best not to look at Jeno. 

_

After practice everyone separated, some went home, some stayed at the company building. 

Jaemin was playing his guitar, desperately trying to get his mind off of what happened last night.

The music was flowing through his veins and it was like he was in his own little world, where everything was perfect and Jeno didn’t hate him.

He loved it.

Loved the rhythm in his body, the music in his ears. It made him feel safe. At home. It was the only thing that seemed to be getting him going lately. Jaemin didn’t know where he would be without his guitar.

Probably dead.

He was exhausted, but he kept going, he needed to not think, to forget. He needed to not think about last night, about Jeno and his lips on his body. Needed to forget how much he loved it, how much he loved Jeno.

He was breathing hard, the constant playing taking a toll on him, so he shut off the music and went to get his things. Knowing it would be better for his health if he called it quits for today and got some proper rest, if that was even possible. 

When he finished putting his belongings in his bag he went outside, deciding it would be easier to just walk home. Thankfully it wasn’t a long walk, and Jaemin needed the fresh air anyway so he didn’t mind it whatsoever. 

Jaemin was enjoying himself, humming the new songs quietly under his breath. He was practically skipping, his body still full of adrenaline and needing some way to let it out.

Out of nowhere, he was grabbed, and he felt a scream claw its way out of his throat. 

He was pushed into an alley and against the wall. 

A guy was looking down at him, “You’re so pretty, aren't you?”

Regardless of what the stranger thought of him, one thing was for certain, this guy wasn’t pretty. In fact he was fat and bold and stank of booze, which was one of the worst parts of being close to him. The smell made Jaemin gag, though it wasn’t a loud exaggerated one, that probably would’ve landed him in hotter water.

Jaemin tried his best to get loose, but the guy pinned his hands above his head, surprisingly strong for a man of his build and age. The stranger started palming him under his shirt, mumbling on about how pretty he was under his breath, mouthing at his neck. One hand holding his hands and the other on his mouth. Jaemin struggled to move, tried to scream, tried to do anything but he was paralyzed in fear. The guy holding him in place seemed to not care.

Tears rolling down his face, he thought of Jeno.

How he wanted Jeno to hold him and do this with him. Not a random stranger. He wanted Jeno now more than ever.

The guy’s hands took off jeans and underwear with ease, the clothes pooling at his knees. Jaemin winced as the cold air hit his skin, starting to shake from it, as well as from the fear of what was going to happen to him. 

He went on to tease Jaemin’s soft cock.

To his own disgust, his cock reacted to the touch, slowly becoming hard. 

“You like this, don’t you slut?”

Jaemin screamed into the hand, no he didn’t, he hated every second of it. He wanted to be let go of, he wanted to go home.

The guy continued, taking Jaemin’s slowly hardening dick into his mouth. Jaemin was silently sobbing into the guy's hand.

He tried to struggle again, the man only tightened his hold and lightly bit his dick in warning. 

Jaemin went stiff at that.

Against his own will, some moans slipped out of his mouth no matter how much he wanted them to stay in. He tried to hold them back, he hated this, hated what was happening to him. But his body felt so good. He felt so betrayed, by himself, by the world.

The guy suddenly stopped, causing Jaemin to let out a shaky breath of relief. Maybe it was over, maybe he could go on and pretend like none of this ever happened. Maybe it was all going to be okay.

He wasn’t so lucky.

The guy moved around to pull his hard cock out of his pants.

The sight made Jaemin’s eyes widen, the thing was huge. He would never take all of it, not even with hours of stretching.

Yet as the thing was pushed into his ass he realized, the stranger didn’t care. He was going to make it fit into Jaemin’s unstretched, virgin asshole that has only ever known Jaemin’s small dainty fingers, whether it would actually fit or not.

Jaemin tried to struggle yet again, more cries coming from his mouth, the man simply tightened his hold until it bruised.

Jaemin yelled out in pain, he could feel the blood slipping down his thighs. He felt disgusting. He felt tainted and broken. 

The guy didn’t care, he didn’t even give Jaemin a moment to adjust before thrusting in violently. The man was moaning, panting into Jaemin’s ear.

“You’re such a good slut, so perfect for me, so beautiful. You love this, don’t you, whore? This is all you’re good for, being fucked and used.”

Jaemin cried at the words. He wasn’t a slut. Or a whore. He didn’t even want this. He tried not to think of anything. Forcing his mind to go blank. He didn’t even want to think of Jeno in a situation like this.

Didn’t want to think of his beautiful and pure Jeno while he was being raped by another guy.

He just wanted to die.

The guy finished in him with a grunt, Jaemin cringed at the feeling of it in his ass and down his thighs.

Finally, he let him go. Jaemin was free.

Immediately he fell down to the floor as the guy left. Crying into his hands almost instantly, not even bothering to pull up his pants.

He didn’t want to live.

Eventually, he got himself up. Got dressed and made his way back home. This time he didn’t skip, he didn’t hum. He simply cried.

Whether it was good or bad, when he walked in everyone was asleep.

He threw his clothes away and ran to the shower wincing as he went, wanting to get rid of every trace of the man in and on him.

Looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes were puffy and red, blood and cum all over his eyes.

Jaemin sobbed harder, he looked so broken. He hated it.

He turned on the shower and walked in.

He scrubbed and scrubbed his body until it bled, wanting to get rid of all the dirtiness on him.

When he was done he limped his way into his room.

He dressed, not wanting to sleep naked like he usually would.

He cried himself to sleep that night.

All his will to live, gone.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. better think twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for not updating!!

All of the group members were sitting around the kitchen table having a nice breakfast like they always did. Only today something, or rather someone was missing, Jaemin to be more exact. 

He had locked himself in his room and was refusing to come out. They all tried to get him out using various methods but none of them seemed to have an effect.

Renjun was the first to try by attempting to get him to open up and talk to him about what was going on. This was followed up by Mark offering to get him ice cream for breakfast. Then Chenle and Donghyuck tried to get him to have a fun day at the movies or in the amusement park. Finally, Jisung offered him cuddles and hot cocoa, because that was usually a sure fire way to get a response from the other boy. 

Jeno however, Jeno didn't do anything. 

He wanted nothing more than to go to Jaemin and comfort him, but he was sure that he was the cause of Jaemin not coming out of his room and locking himself away from the world. So he stayed where he was, silently playing with his breakfast not even bothering to eat it. 

The table talk seemed less fun than usual without Jaemin there to joke around and cause a hassle. So there was nothing more than silence, everyone waiting for someone else to break it. 

“I think I should stay home, make sure someone is there for him,” Mark chimed in while chewing, “just to see if he needs anything. You all should head to the practice room and work on the new songs.” 

“I’d like to stay too!” Donghyuck chimed in happily, finally seeming to perk up. “Jeno can stay as well and we can work from home.”

The eldest member mulled over the idea for a moment before giving a slight nod, “That’s not a bad idea, Hyuck.” Mark smiled warmly at him. He loved seeing the best friends take care of each other. 

But oh how Jeno wished that Donghyuck hadn’t suggested the idea. Sure, he wanted to be close to Jaemin and he wanted to be there for him. But he was the last person Jaemin needed at the moment. Right now he needed Jeno as far away from him as possible. 

Donghyuck and Mark, as well as everyone else, looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to choose.

“Fine, I'll stay too,” he said dejectedly.

Donghyuck cheered and went to hug Jeno while the rest walked out of the dorm.

-

Jaemin hadn’t slept a wink. 

Every time he closed his eyes he was back there, with that man's hands on him, touching him. 

He hated it.

He didn’t want to be so broken, so dirty. 

He finally heard the front door close. He sighed in relief, he was alone, finally.

He needed a pain killer and fast, his ass was killing him, it not only hurt to move but it also hurt to just lie on his back. 

Carefully he walked out of his room and made his way to the kitchen to get a couple of pills. 

Imagine his surprise when he found Mark, Jeno and Donghyuck sitting at the living room table with papers and laptops all around them. 

They all looked up at him and smiled widely, except Jeno who seemed to cringe away. 

He really looked that bad?

“Nana! You're awake!”

The loud yell from Donghyuck startled him. Causing him to slightly jump, making a jolt of pain shoot down his spine. Regardless, Jaemin pressed on and started limping his way to the kitchen when he heard a gasp from behind him. 

“Oh. My. God. Nana! You had some action yesterday! Look at your neck! And you're limping! My man is no longer a virgin! Hallelujah,” Donghyuck yelled, ranting excitedly. 

Mark hit his arm, hissing at him to be quiet. 

Jaemin was going to ignore them, going to go take a pill when he heard Jeno mumble something under his breath. 

_

Jeno was at first happy to see Jaemin, his mood very quickly turned sour when Donghyuck spoke up. 

He wanted to mark Jaemin up like that. 

He wanted to fuck him so hard that he would limp. 

It was supposed to be  _ him _ taking his virginity, not some random loser.

Before he could stop himself, “What a slut,” came out of his mouth. 

Jaemin turned around to look at him in disbelief.

He looked so broken that Jeno wanted to take his words back right that second. 

Tears welled up in his eyes. 

He ran out of the room and back to his bedroom.

Shutting the door loudly behind him. 

Mark and Donghyuck both stared at him in shock.

Then a loud sob came from Jaemin’s room and they rushed there.

Leaving Jeno alone.

_

Jaemin was crying into his pillow, pain pill completely forgotten. 

Jeno thought that he was a slut, going around and throwing himself at random guys. Throwing himself at  _ him. _ At his rapist.

The word brought back so many bad memories from the previous night. Jaemin couldn't handle it. All he could think about was the guy's harsh words in his ear, the way he was manhandled into submission.

He hated the feeling of helplessness that was going through him. He could hear Mark and Donghyuck outside of his room, asking him to come out and talk to them.

He didn’t want to.

He just wanted to die.

Without a second thought, he went to his drawer and opened a box he hadn’t touched in ages.

Inside of it was his beloved razors.

He hadn’t used them in so long, his teammates helped him stop. His brother helped him stop.

All of them were there for him.

But now he felt so alone.

He couldn’t help himself.

He took one and put it to his arm.

He made a long, deep cut from beginning to end.

He looked at it bleed, it felt so good.

He loved the feeling of everything leaving him along with his blood.

He started feeling faint.

He fell to the floor.

He just layed there.

Feeling content.

_

On the outside of the room Mark and Donghyuck were trying to get in.

They heard Jaemin crying until he stopped.

They calmed for a moment until they heard a thud.

“Hyung! What was that?” Donghyuck looked at Mark in panic.

“Jeno! Get the key!” Mark shouted at Jeno so they could get inside.

After a moment Jeno came running into the hallway with the key and handed it to Mark.

Jeno and Donghyuck waited back expectedly for him to open the door and when he did, they all gasped. 

Donghyuck instantly ran away to call an ambulance, not wanting to see his best friend like that.

Jaemin was on the floor, laying in a pool of his own blood. A long cut ran across one of his arms. 

Jeno only needed a few seconds to comprehend what he was seeing before he burst into tears at the sight. He went into the room and dropped onto the floor, not caring about the way his knees throbbed in pain at the impact and took Jaemin in his arms and hugged him. 

He cried as he held him, he felt so cold and small. Mark was standing behind them, looking at them and crying silently, there wasn’t much he could do at the moment. 

What felt like ages later, though neither Jeno nor Mark could really tell how much time had passed, Donghyuck burst into the room, paramedics coming in after him.

They tried to get Jeno to let go of him but he wouldn’t.

“Jeno, you need to let go of him, they’re going to help him.”

“No,” Jeno cried, holding onto Jaemin tighter.

In the end, they ended up taking him with Jaemin into the ambulance. Mark finally calmed himself down enough to call Renjun to get him and the rest of the boys to go to the hospital. Calling Jaehyun, Jaemin’s brother as well, he probably should’ve called him first but his brain was scrambled right now. 

After grabbing a change of clothes for Jeno, Donghyuck, and Mark, the pair followed behind the ambulance in Mark’s car.

When they got to the hospital they waited outside of the room where Jaemin was.

Jeno was already there, covered in blood. He looked pale, and he was still crying.

Mark handed him the clothes, “Go change Jeno, you’ll scare the maknaes.”

Jeno nodded, not saying anything and walked over to the bathroom. 

While he was gone, the rest of the group came in, all panicked. Jaehyun, along with his fiance Taeyong running in with them

“What happened?” Renjun asked, shaking, his hand nervously gripping at the hem of his shirt.

“He tried to kill himself,” Donghyuck said in a small voice.

Mark went over to hug his small boyfriend, shushing him quietly.

“Where is he?” Jaehyun demanded, tears beginning to run down his face at the news. Taeyong pulled him close, muttering comforting words into his ear. 

Mark pointed to the room where the doctors were most likely hovering over their teammate behind the closed door.

Soon after Jeno came out of the bathroom and sat on the floor, face in his hands. Mark dragged Donghyuck over to him, sitting on both of his sides.

They were all broken, waiting for a doctor to come out of the room.

  
  



	5. You were what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin wakes up, Jeno worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY  
> I was busy with a lot of different thing and couldn’t update  
> I’ll be back to updating every Monday  
> So stay tuned

It had already been a week and Jaemin still hadn’t woken up.

Jeno hadn’t left his side since he was allowed in the room. 

The rest tried to pry him off of Jaemin, even Jaehyun who hardly left the hospital room tried to get him to eat or shower but he silently refused, choosing to sit by his side.

He blamed himself.

For assaulting him, for calling him a slut afterward. 

It was all his fault.

He was holding Jaemin’s hand, looking at him. He was hooked up to all sorts of machines, looking pale and small in the big hospital bed.

The rest of the boys were at home or in the company building. Mark and Renjun had thrown themselves into work, refusing to leave the studio. Chenle and Jisung were doing their best to hold on at home, they weren’t eating much, choosing to wallow in their room instead. Donghyuck was doing his best to balance taking care of everyone else and handling his own emotions.

And Jaehyun? Jaehyun was broken, he never let his younger brother leave his side when they were kids, he felt like he had let him down. Taeyong was the only thing keeping him from self-destructing at the moment, which wouldn’t do anyone any good anyway. 

Suddenly Jeno felt Jaemin’s hand squeeze his own. The touch immediately made him snap his head up, and he looked at Jaemin. 

His eyes were open.

Jaemin smiled warmly at him, like nothing was wrong. 

“Nana,” Jeno sighed, face crumpling as tears rolled down.

“Hey, Jen.”

“I’m so sorry, Nana,” Jeno said, looking up at him.

“What for?” 

Jeno didn’t know what to say, would Jaemin ever forgive him?

“For- for calling you a slut, and assaulting you.”

“What?” When did Jeno assault him? 

“When I was drunk, that night-”

Jaemin quickly stopped him, “You didn't assault me, you were drunk and delirious, you didn't want it, you regretted it.”

“What Jaemin? Of course I didn’t regret it, I-I love you, it was the best night of my life, but you started crying…. I thought…”

“Jeno, I was happy, that’s why I was crying,” after a moment he added, “I love you too.”

He was so happy, he couldn’t believe that Jaemin loved him too.

He went to hug Jaemin but the younger flinched harshly when he was touched, cringing away from Jeno’s arms.

The action made Jeno want to frown but he willed his face to stay the way it was, “I’m so sorry for calling you a slut, I didn’t mean it. I was just jealous that you fucked someone else. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I-I didn’t.”

Jaemin was crying, tears running down his face.

“Wh-“

“He-he did it, b-but I d-didn’t want to. I-I swear.”

What? Was Jaemin... raped?

“Nana, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Jaemin nodded and buried his face in his hands to cry.

He was. Jaemin was raped. Jeno wanted to punch something. Preferably the douchebag that hurt his Jaemin. 

“Can I- can I touch you?”

He nodded.

Jeno got on the bed and hugged him.

Holding him close to his chest.

He was absolutely livid.

He couldn’t believe that someone hurt his Jaemin like that.

That his first time was taken away from him.

Jaemin was crying into his chest, nasty sobs coming from his mouth.

“I-I hat-ted it, I-it was so bad, Jen. It h-hurt so m-much. H-he didn’t c-care.”

“Shh Nana, it’s going to be okay.” Jeno didn’t know if it was ever going to be okay, but he was planning to do his best to make sure it was.

“Is that why, why you did it?” Jeno asked, referring to the night that Jaemin tried to kill himself.

“I-I don’t want to live, n-not with you hating me a-and what happened.”

“Oh Nana, I could never hate you. I love you so fucking much you don’t even know.”

“I love you too.”

Jaemin looked at him for a moment as if he was contemplating something. And then he finally made his choice and kissed Jeno.

It was a soft kiss, full of love.

Jeno melted into it, holding Jaemin close to his body. They pulled apart and smiled at each other.

“Be my boyfriend?” Jeno blurted out.

“You want me? Even though I’m dirty?”

“You’re not dirty, even though what happened was awful, it doesn’t make you dirty. It wasn’t your fault. You’re perfect, Nana.”

Jaemin smiles softly, “Then yes, I will.”

“Oh thank god,” Jeno sighed, “I should call a nurse, to check you out.”

“Don’t leave me alone, please.”

Jeno cuddled close to him, holding him against his body, “I won’t, I won’t ever leave.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

_

Jaemin was discharged from the hospital three days later.

Everyone was hovering over him, watching him all the time. Even Jaehyun stopped by their house randomly to bring food and make sure that Jaemin was doing okay.

Jaemin was tired of it.

When he came back he moved into Jeno’s bed, not being able to sleep on his own. He and Jeno were currently in their bed, having some time alone, finally.

They were making out, hands wondering, grinding against each other.

Jaemin was loving it. He loved being so close to Jeno, touching him, being with him.

Suddenly his mind was clouded by the thoughts of the stranger touching him, everything became too much, he couldn’t handle it.

He pulled away, fully detaching himself from Jeno.

Jeno seemed confused, looking at Jaemin with worry.

“What happened, Nana?” he moved to touch his cheek. 

Jaemin cringed always from the touch, needing some space at the moment.

“Sorry, I just- can’t.”

Jeno seemed to understand, he looked at Jaemin with a soft gaze.

“It’s okay, Nana, you’re fine, can I hug you?”

Jaemin shook his head, breathing heavily.

He was shaking, he was suddenly so scared.

He didn’t want to be touched, not even by Jeno. 

Jeno was looking at him with worry, seemingly not knowing what to do with his hands.

He wanted nothing more than to take Jaemin into his arms and take the pain away. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t go back to that night and be there for him. He couldn’t do anything.

“Nana, just breathe for me, please,” Jeno begged, not knowing what else to do.

“I’m trying,” Jaemin sobbed, tears running down his face.

Jeno tried to take his hand but Jaemin jerked away as if he was burned, cringing away from the touch.

He was breathing heavily, Jeno was scared.

“Mark Hyung!” He yelled, “get a glass of water!”

Jaemin put his hands over his ears at the sudden yelling.

Mark came into the room, a glass of water in hand, “Jeno I’m not your maid you-“ he seemed to stop when he saw the state that Jaemin was in, “what did you do?”

He rushed to Jaemin’s side and gave him the glass of water. 

Jaemin took it with his shaky hands, only having it fall when Mark touched his shoulder.

The water splattered all over the bed.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Jaemin cried, sitting on the wet bed.

“It’s okay, Nana, just get up and let’s get you some dry clothes,” Jeno said.

Mark looked between them, confused. “What happened.”

Jaemin’s eyes widened, he didn’t want to tell anyone else about what happened, he didn’t want them to worry, to look at him as if he was damaged.

“N-nothing.”

Jeno gave Mark a look, and the older went out of the room.

“Can you take your clothes off?”

Jaemin nodded and started taking his shirt off. Jeno cringed at the fading hickeys and scratches all over his chest and back.

Jaemin then carefully took off his pants.

Jeno handed him a sweatshirt and sweatpants from his own closet, hoping to calm the younger down. Jaemin loved his clothes.

Jaemin smiled softly when he was handed Jeno’s clothes. He put them on slowly.

Jeno watched, hoping that Jaemin won’t have another panic attack.

“Can I hug you now?”

Jaemin nodded timidly, opening his arms for Jeno to come between them. Jeno smiled and hugged his boyfriend. Petting his head and rubbing his back as Jaemin sniffled into his neck.

“We need to get off the floor and change the bed, Nana.”

Jaemin shook his head, wanting to stay in place. Jeno figured he could do it later, he was just happy to have his sunshine in his arms.


	6. Will he?

Jeno woke up the next day with a killer neck ache.

In the end, he and Jaemin ended up sleeping on the floor. It was restless, Jaemin waking up a couple of times in screams.

Jeno yawned and stretched. As much as he didn’t want to, he changed the still wet bed and put the wet laundry in the washing machine. Once that task was completed he picked up Jaemin and laid him down on the bed, and put a blanket over him.

He looked peaceful for once.

Jeno walked out of the room, the others were having breakfast.

“How’s Jaemin? Is he okay?” Mark asked the moment he saw him.

“He’s fine, he’s sleeping,” Jeno answered, grabbing a slice of toast and eggs from Donghyuck’s plate, causing the younger to protest.

“There’s more food on the counter,” Renjun said before the two could start fighting.

“Are you sure he’s fine? I heard him yelling most of the night.”

Jeno glared at Mark, “He’s fine.”

“But-“

“I said he’s fine!” Jeno snapped, not being able to handle Mark anymore. There wasn’t much he could do to stop the eldest member’s questioning, especially when he couldn’t explain what was going on without having to spill Jaemin’s trauma. Which wasn’t his business to dish out. 

“He doesn't seem fine,” Chenle said with a worried look.

“It’s none of your business how he is.”

“Yes, it is! He’s our family!” Jisung yelled out suddenly, immediately slapping his own hand over his mouth, as if he shocked himself with his words. 

Jeno groaned, he didn’t want to deal with this so early in the morning. 

“He’ll talk to you when he’s ready, now drop it.”

“Jen?!” Jaemin yelled, suddenly running into the room.

“Hey, hey, Nana, what’s wrong?”

The moment Jaemin saw him he latched onto him, hugging him close.

“I woke up, and- and you weren’t there!” he cried.

“I’m right here, Nana, you’re fine.”

Everyone looked at them worriedly. And rightfully so. 

Jeno silently mouthed, ‘It’s fine,’ to them.

“How about you eat something?” 

“I’m not hungry.”

“Jaemin you have to eat,” Mark said.

“I said I’m not hungry, Mark. You can’t force food down my throat,” Jaemin glared at him.

“He might not be able to, but I will,” Renjun said, handing Jaemin a plate with toast and eggs. He had an aggressive way of showing he cared. 

Jaemin looked at it with disgust and then looked up at Jeno, hoping to get some support.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re recovering. You need food.”

Jaemin groaned and pulled Jeno over to the table so he could sit on him. Jeno went willingly and put his arms around Jaemin’s waist as he sat down and ate.

Everyone was looking at Jaemin closely, watching his every move, as if they were afraid that he was going to snap.

After a couple of bites, Jaemin put down the toast, sitting there stock still for just a second before getting up hastily. He ran to the bathroom, surprisingly not tripping as everyone went running in after him. Jeno frowned sympathetically and went to sit next to him by the toilet as he puked. He rubbed his back as Jaemin heaved and let all of the food out of his system.

The rest of the members were watching the spectacle from outside the doorway. 

Once he stopped, Jeno wiped Jaemin’s mouth and hugged him.

“You’re okay, Nana, it’s fine,” he said, rubbing his back soothingly.

Donghyuck came over with a glass of water and handed it to Jaemin. Jaemin drank it all, staying silent, tears running down his face. When he was done he left Jeno’s hold and locked himself in their room.

Everyone else made their way to the living room, all eyes on Jeno.

“What’s going on, Jeno?” Mark asked him, looking very serious.

Jeno looked down at his feet, feeling as if he was getting scolded. He didn’t know how to get out of this without telling them what happened to Jaemin.

“He’s just having a rough time, he needed space.”

“That’s bullshit, something happened,” Mark said.

“It’s not my place to tell!” Jeno yelled out, frustrated, but intent on sticking his ground. 

“Alright, let's leave Jeno alone, Jaemin will tell us what happened when he’s ready, as long as he told someone what’s going on it’s okay,” Renjun huffed, trying to calm everyone down.

“Thank you,” Jeno looked at him with a small smile, “I’m going to go check on him.”

And with that, Jeno left the room and went to his own. Jaemin was on the bed, crying into Jeno’s pillow and Jeno’s heart ached at the sight of his boyfriend so broken. He laid down next to him, making sure not to touch him.

“Nana, what’s wrong?” Stupid question, he knew that. But he didn’t know what else to ask.

“Everything! Everything is wrong!” Jaemin looked at him, angry tears in his eyes, “I’m broken! I was fucking raped,” he whispered that part, not wanting the others to hear, “and I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it. I want to die, so fucking much. Every time I think that everything is fine, I feel his hands on me and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t do this!”

Jeno could feel tears running down his face at his words, he didn’t know what to say, what could he say? That everything was going to be fine? He didn’t know that. He didn’t know what to do. He felt so hopeless.

“Can I hug you?”

“That won’t make anything feel any better, and you know it,” Jaemin hissed.

“I don’t know what else to do Jaemin if I could take your pain away I would. But I can’t. I’m fucking useless.”

Jaemin wanted to object, he wanted to tell Jeno that his mere presence was helping him but he was so frustrated that the only thing he could say was, “You are.”

“Nana-”

“Please leave.”

Jeno sighed, he gave Jaemin’s head a kiss and left the room, absolutely heartbroken.

_

In Mark and Donghyuck’s room the pair were sitting on the bed, Donghyuck in Mark’s arms.

“Something is really wrong, I can feel it and I don’t know what to do Mark,” Donghyuck cried into his boyfriend’s chest, “I want him to feel better, but he won’t let me in. He won’t let anyone in. And by Jeno’s sad face I can tell that he doesn’t fully know what’s going through Jaemin’s mind either.”

“Babe, they’ll work it out. Jaemin will tell us what’s wrong when he’s ready.”

“I’m not su-” He was interrupted by the door opening. Jeno walked in and fell face-first on the bed with a groan.

“I can’t do this!” He cried, “I can’t fucking do this! I can’t help him. He keeps pushing me away.”

Mark and Donghyuck looked at each other, confused.

Mark put a hand on Jeno’s shoulder, “Can’t do what? What’s going on with him, Jen?”

Jeno sat up to look at the pair, “I can’t tell you, I wish I could but I really can’t.” After a moment he added, “He called me useless, and I am. I can’t help him. What use am I if I can’t help my damn boyfriend.”

“Wait, boyfriend?” Donghyuck asked.

Mark slapped his arm (now clearly wasn’t the time) and said, “You’re not useless, he’s going through something. Just be there for him.”

“He won’t let me! I’m trying. He just kicked me out of our room.”

“Jeno, tell us what’s wrong with him. We can help,” Mark urged.

Jeno thought about the pros and cons. 

He couldn’t handle this on his own. But he didn’t want Jaemin to hate him. But Mark and Donghyuck could help Jaemin and that was what really mattered at the moment.

“He- he was r-raped, that’s why he tried to kill himself. He wants to die and I don’t know how to help him.”

Mark and Donghyuck stared at him in shock. Tears running down both their faces.

“W-What?” Donghyuck asked, shocked.

“Don’t make me say it again, please.”

“When?” Mark asked.

“After that night when he stayed at the studio late.”

“I- are you sure?”

“Mark why would I lie about this?! Why would  _ he? _ I’m sure. I saw the bruises, the- the limp,” Jeno cried into his hands.

Mark hugged him, letting him cry into his chest. 

“He’ll get through this,” Mark mumbled into his hair, unsure of the words himself.

“I don’t think he will.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading, my twitter is @n0minNSFW if anyone is interested in updates for the story and a socmed au that I’m currently working on


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